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Past Issues September 2005 Subscripts
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…One of the better kept secrets at Arne Duncan’s place is that every
new hire for the top levels of the “school reform” lowerarchy (those
coming in at $100,000 per year or more with no experience in Chicago’s
public schools classrooms, like Arne) has to be in the top stanine on
the AM Index. For those who haven’t been following the nether regions of
psychometric activities, the AM Index (for “Aggressive Mendacity
Index”) was pioneered by errant Ph.D. psychometricians looking for work
before the days of high-stakes testing to screen prospective divorce
lawyers, home improvement telemarketers, and use car salesmen. It
measures a person’s ability to combine toxic levels of
testosterone-induced aggressiveness with equally high levels of lying.
The secret to passing the AM Index with a high enough score to qualify
for an executive level job in Duncan’s administration is to have the
in-your-face goofiness of a Fox News talk show pundit with the moral
scruples of one of Stalin’s NKVD (er., KGB for those historically
challenged newcomers) torturers. Just about everybody on the fifth
floor at 125 S. Clark St. is now in the top tier on the AM scales. Arne
is hiring nothing but the “best” as measured appropriately for the
task, just as Enron, another outfit that cooked the books, hired only
those with the highest scores on the SAT… …In answer to the question (WWJVD?) being asked more and more in the Chicago Teachers Union — She wouldn’t let a bunch of thug wannabe over the hill white guys bully union members. First, let’s get it straight. The tough guys in Chicago aren’t wandering around doing “security” at a meeting of teachers and school clerks. Let alone bullying little teachers and school clerks playing tough guy. Yet somehow we’re supposed to be impressed by Mark Ochoa, Nick Cannella, Rich Perrote, and Larry Poltrock when they go around — where it’s safe — trying to push around women half their size (or smaller, given their expanding girths) as a way of intimidating everyone else. More and more people in the union are asking about history in the form of the question “WWJVD?” (What Would Jackie Vaughn Do?). First thing she’d do is fire anyone who acted like a bully towards other union members. Instead of taking on the bad guys who are pushing around union members, these tough guys are pushing around union members worse than the bad guys ever did… …We were tempted, but we decided not to refer to certain recently acquired talents at the Chicago Board of Education’s Clark St. headquarters as “the latest Hotties and Hunks from The Hall.” And we were proved right in our decision when we heard the angst with which CPS higher ups greeted the August reference, in another education publication, to “Hotties” at the Board. True, the pedigrees of Arne Duncan’s appointees have gotten more exotic as the years have dragged on (basketball skills and Park District references have loomed large in some executive job descriptions, and it’s a definite that you don’t get extra points for an earned PhD and a Type 75). Equally true, it helps more to have a working knowledge of “Atlas Shrugged” and “The Fountainhead” (or at least a referral from someone who was in a college study group officially approved by David Horowitz) in order to get a job organizing “small schools” and reviewing charter school applications on the Fifth Floor. And, true too, we wouldn’t be surprised to see our mayor’s personal trainer showing up one day at $100,000-a-year in an “education” job when he has to get her out of harm’s way. But in all these real and hypothetical cases, Hottieness and Hunkfordness have little to do with helping move forward the miracle of “school reform” Chicago style at an executive level in 2005. Just ask Arne: Qualifications are what counted when the job was bid and filled. Of course, the Board of Education never bid the job or published the job description. Equally of course, the Board of Education refuses to provide the public with the curriculum vitae of any of the more than 700 people working in “education” who is currently earning more than $100,000 per year in Chicago. But those are the kind of minor details that our mayor, being a miracle man, never bothers with while creating monumentals to his greatness — like The Bean. These people get hired for having “vision” — not because they know more about basketball or appearing in “Suzanna’s Night Out” than they do about classroom teaching. Really now. After careful investigation, we weren’t able to find evidence that any of the latest hundred grand additions to the Duncan lowerarchy actually auditioned for their work by interning at Hooters. Some of them just think it’s classy to come on that way… …One of the strangest sights of the past four months was Debbie Lynch sitting in the back of a Chicago Police squad car trying to ignore the ponderous presence of union attorney Larry Poltrock beside her. At that point, Poltrock’s colleagues in the United Progressive Caucus had called the cops and had Lynch arrested. Or so they thought, until it came time for someone to swear, under oath, that Lynch had done something illegeal or disorderly. Suddenly, the bullies — male and female — currently running the largest union in Illinois became scarce. Then, somehow, Poltrock wound up in the same seat as Lynch (a very big violation of police procedure, we’re told) — but clearly not under arrest. Lynch tried to ignore the object beside her. But, as one obverserver noted, “That’s like trying to ignore a hippopotamus in a pup tent beside you. The smell alone will get your attention.” When the police found out that Poltrock had embellished some facts, as he is wont to do, and that he wasn’t Lynch’s lawyer, he was asked to exit the vehicle, as the saying goes. No record exists of the smell left behind... …It’s not often that this page publishes something in which we agree with a decision made by the Chicago Board of Education or the Duncan administration, but since this summer has witnessed an unprecedented string of such events — two, to be precise — we’ll note it here (our most widely read feature, according to reader polls). First, the Board voted to abolish the use of the Iowa Tests of Basic Skills for high-stakes and “No Child...” purposes. Ten years and thousands of children too late, but better later than never. (We have to note, in passing, that the Board was facing some untidy questions about how it goosed up the reading scores via some statistical mumbo-jumbo, er. “recalculations” — for the second time in four years — just in time for Mayor Daley to hold another “UP UP AND AWAY!” media event at Mitchell School, but that’s another story for another time). Although Riverside Publishing, the corporation that publishes the ITBS, got greedy when it realized the lucrative market developing in high-stakes testing six years ago (they basically got amnesia about the warning label on the tests, which said that ITBS shouldn’t be used for high-stakes purposes), the test is still a good thing — just like aspirin is if you don’t have ulcers. Sadly, though, the Chicago scam has discredited the once venerable ITBS and the professors associated with it for all history. High-stakes testing is a bad idea no matter which test is used, so the ISAT and Prairie State are no real improvement. But at least the ITBS won’t be claiming any more children victims in Chicago or being used to close any more poor schools because children in poverty score low on ITBS-type tests. Second, the Board cut a deal (the details of which remain to be seen) allowing it to provide tutoring in Chicago with Chicago teachers under the supplemtal services provisions of “No Child...” On that one, Arne Duncan was actually fighting a good fight against privatization. That’s a bit unusual given the Duncanesque affection for all things anti-public school and privatizing. However, before we get calloused hands clapping for Arne and the Board, we’ll wait and see how the next round of high-stakes silliness is narrated, and whether Michael Scott and the members of the Board keep bullying teachers who complain using those silly spreadsheets outlining every school’s “bottom line.”...
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